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:iconxmajutsu-shix: More from XMajutsu-shiX

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Submitted on
July 28, 2013
Submitted with Writer


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United.Kingdom.full.586773 by XMajutsu-shiX
Don't ask about the picture...... :> 2 Arthurs in one picture what more do you need! But I think one of the Arthurs are dead :,<

(Name) quickly scrubbed the tables of the cafe she worked in, he faster she got this done the faster she'd get out of there. It wasn't that she hated the place or anything but that particular day she was too tired to care about a few crumbs on the table. She glanced at the last few customers of the day, the conversation loud enough for her to hear. There was a group of men quite close to them and another man had just walked in, draped in a filthy grey coat he sat hunched away from the rest.

"Ah yes, that pirate..."  A few words she couldn't catch were exchanged. "Arthur Kirkland..." The men nodded.

"Urm, excuse me, who's Arthur Kirkland." (Name) asked, showing her sweet girly side of herself. The man hunched up, who was sitting away from the glanced up slightly.

"Only the most wanted pirate over 'ere." One of them chuckled. "Don't tell me you 'aven't heard of 'im?" (Name) shrugged, she was too busy trying to earn a living then hear about a made-up story character.

"He was born here, ya know..." One of them grinned a toothless grin at her, "Steals children, he does." he man leaned forward, lowering his voice a little. "Thee lass comes out at night and then before you know it-" Another of the man smashed his hand on the table, making (Name) jump. 

"WHAM! And you never see your home sweet home again."

"Sometimes, he lures little girls in with his manners and looks. Blonde 'air, green eyes." The man chuckled. "And he's known as a gentleman you see... and then the poor little girlies are forced to work in that ship of 'is. Apparently, he's a magician" (Name) stared at the drunk men for a bit and sighted, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. 

"You mean sorcerer?"

"Whatever ye wanna call it."

"No offence," She mumbled taking their drinks. "But he is probably, definitely, just a made up character to scare little boys and girls, and even if he is real, then he's one of those wannabe pirates who try to convince everyone that they are indeed a pirate." (Name) thought for a bit. " I bet he's actually got dirty no colored hair... if he even had hair that is... and so on...and as for him having manners." She snorted and glanced at the men wiping there faces with their sleeves and staggering up. " I'm sure that he has no more manners then you do." The man burst out laughing, holding each other to stop them from swaying.

"Whatever ye say lass." (Name) nodded and took the money, she glanced at the man who was sat away from the rest and walked over, pocketing the money.

"Anything I can get you... sir?" The man glanced up, (Name) could make out an amused smile on his face.

"Some tea please, love." (Name) nodded and walked over to the counter. 

"Anything with that?"

"Scone, love. Thank you." (Name) glanced up.


"Yes, love, Scones..."

"Eh... those pastry thingies?"

"No!" The man managed to calm himself down. "Here's the recipe." He handed her a crumpled piece of parchment, sighing. (Name) stared at him.

"You'll have to pay extra if I'm making it right now..."

"Fine. And thank you agai-"

"Not from here?" The man remained quiet, slightly annoyed at being interupted. "I can tell, because you might actually have a few manners." (Name) yawned and tried to look behind the hood. "So, you always dress like that?" 

", love..."

"Right her's the... tea..." The hooded man shot a glance at her.

"You say the word as if your saying hamburgers..." (Name) stared at him for a bit.

"You really shouldn't compare the two..." She advised.

"Yes... I guess Hamburgers can't be compared to tea... my bad" (Name) shot him another weird look.

" Anyway I say it because... I think tea is rather.... umm.... what's a nice way to say this... bland!" The man flinched and sighted. (Name) watched him intently, hovering just behind him until he had finally finished his tea. (Name) snatched the cup out of his hand and hauled to his feet.

"Ok then, adios my good man." She shoved him towards the door. The cloaked man staggered a bit.

"Hey!" He protested, "My-my scones, love, you can't do this-" (Name) slammed the door in his face and peeked out of the window. 

"Sorry, we're closed but here." (Name) threw the scones towards him, they hit him in the face. "It's on the house!"

"B-but I already payed!"

"...Whatever." (Name) closed the windows and yawned, finally the day was over. She quickly grabbed her coat and locked the windows. She glanced outside and sighted, there was hardly any light outside. She quickly wore her coat and grabbed the keys, (Name) stepped out of the doors and glanced at the watch on her wrist. it was later than she had expected. She gave a sigh. This job was over-working her. She quickly shuffled out of the door, grabbing her bags. She was locking the door from outside when (Name) heard a rustle. She glanced back, there was no one there. Someone tapped her on the shoulder.

"Excuse me-" 

"Aaarghhh! Thiiief!" (Name) smashed her handbag on the person's head. Then stopped. "Oh... it's you! She smiled pleasantly. "Don't do that...." She added, still smiling but with an edge on her voice. The man scowled, rubbing his head. "Sorry... my bad!" She added.

"Do you know anywhere I could stay at night-?" The hooded man asked.

"This village don't like strangers, 'specially one's who hide their face- LOVE ze accent by the way pal, but you can sooo tell it's fake, now where was I? Oh yeah, they always think it's that... Alfred... nah... Allen Kirkdad or something...." The man stared at her in utter shock.

"Arthur, ARTHUR KIRKLAND." (Name) shrugged.

"Yeah, the bold guy with the 'greenishly-gold' eyes who takes young girlies and forces them to work in his ship." (Name) looked at him a bit thoughtfully. "You know I may be wrong... he might not be entirely hairless I bet he has a big beard as well!" The man sighted, quite annoyed now.

"Now good bye my dear sir!" She added with exaggerated politeness, adding a little curtsy. With that (Name) left, laughing at her own wit. "Gosh... I kill myself. Don't let Alpha Kirklad get you!" (Name) called after him.

The man glared at her. Alpha Kirklad? Where the bloody hell did she get that from? To think, such innocent looking girls can be so... cruel. Well that girly wouldn't be laughing long.

(Name) was back at her little cafe. She yawned, still half asleep, not knowing the chaos that would follow that morning. That particular day nobody had been in her cafe, which she found slightly strange.

Out in the square there was chaos everywhere already. It was quite obvious who had come that day, a special visitor.

"That's it my good people, get everyone you know and gather into the square!" The blonde haired man grinned, striding passed everyone. Taking out his sword with a look of triumph. Soon everyone in the village filled the square, his eyes ran over the terrified crowd, he tilted his head slightly. That annoying girl from before wan't there. Another smile played on his lips, it seemed like he would have the pleasure of getting her himself.

"Please wait on," He gave a little curtsy, "I will be right back, I have a little job waiting for me." With that he strode of to the direction of the cafe. An evil glimmer in his eyes.

(Name) grumbled, she had her head on the table, more than half asleep. But the sound of someone opening the door had awoken her. She pushed herself up, staring at the direction of the door. What she saw did not immediately please her.

"Hey, guy could you wipe your shoes before you come?" She blinked when she saw the sword. "Oh maybe not..." She mumbled backing off a little.

"Ah, hello love, good to see you again!" (Name) stared. "Well, where are my manners?" He sighted, walking towards her. "May I ask how you are this fine morning?" (Name) slid her hands towards the swords display, if she could reach one of those swords, she would have a chance of fighting her way out. "Speechless?"

"Not really..." (Name) thought for a bit, linking two things, if this was the guy from the night before and the apparent Aplha Kirklad... then he must not have liked what she'd said about him. It explained the expression on his face. "Umm... I see... you must have shaved your beard off." She mumbled, seeing that there wasn't much of a walking distance between them, and that the sword was pointing at her, (Name) knew she'd have to act fast. She smashed her fist on the display, causing it to shatter, one of the swords slid out. The blonde haired raised his eyebrow.

"Your going down Alpha Kirklad." (Name) snapped, trying to look more confident than she felt.

"Not clever, love." He smiled. "But who said we had to make this boring." The two swords clanked together. The problem was that (Name) was blocking and was being forced to step back. She didn't even have time to try and attack.

"And the name is Arthur Kirkland." He added, (Name) couldn't back away anymore, she was right next to the wall and with a final strike her sword was lying a few feet away. (Name) gulped, pressing herself back on the wall, the pirates sword only a few millimeters away from her neck.

"Now, you can apologize later love." He gestured a few men to come forward. "Take her to the square. (Name) was almost lifted off her feet, she squeaked. 

"I'm sorry love, my men don't know how to treat a lady." (Name) narrowed her eyes and spat at his direction, luckily, Arthur managed to step away, he raised his eyebrow, clearly amused. Quickly sliding his sword back in it's case, he walked off.

(Name) was pushed into the crowd. She glared at the stage, feeling quite uneasy. A strange fear filled her tummy but she tried not to show it. All eyes were on Captain Kirkland.

"You know, usually we take gold and food." He was smiling, walking up and down the stage. "But we disparately need a new cook... the last one... let's just say, became the food." A horrified mutter ran across the crowd. "Don't worry, I won't personally chose," The captain turned around, making eye contact with her and smiling. (Name) gulped. Maybe he wanted someone like the mayor's daughter. Perfect in every way. Good riddance to her then, hopefully he wouldn't chose someone he had a grudge against.

"Now, I want you to leave, please." The crowd was about to start moving. "But leave all the girls, 17 and above." There was silence, "Don't worry I won't hurt them. The sooner you leave the better. Thank you."

Soon (Name) was left with a hundred or so other girls. The captain was singling out everyone in two groups. One of the groups seemed much smaller, (Name) had a suspicion it was the group who might have a chance of becoming his cook. After the shortest five minutes of her life, she was facing the captain again.

"Ah... now where to put you?" He smiled. "What do you think, love?"

"Go rot in hell." (Name) snapped, the words coming out as a squeak.

"Now, that's not very nice love." The captain raised his eyebrow. "How about you get your own group, there." The captain pointed, (Name) blinked, her tummy sinking, almost immediately her tummy sank. She didn't move. "Do you want me to move you myself then love?" He asked, quietly, looking down at her. (Name) walked off, surprised that her legs hadn't completely turned into jelly. The Captain smiled. "A fast learner." He turned around and pointed at the largest group. "You can leave." He ordered, most of the girls contained of one's who were giggling and fluttering their eyelashes at him. 

The Captain turned to the next group, which contained the mayors daughter. "Follow my crew, I will be with you in a moment." (Name) stared, her eyes widening a little in worry.

"And you love, can follow me."  
So yey! Finally I have made a england one! I hope you like it :>. I also hope I didn't get his character wrong, gosh I had bloody fun with that bloody awesome accent. TTvTT Awesome accent.

I had no idea what to call this... so I just stuck with his name since the reader seems to forget it all ze time.

Yeah, Hetalia does (Sadly) not belong to me, neither does that awesome picture. I wanted a picture which I didn't really see a lot and the best place to look for them is on I think that's what it's called. i write 2000 words... well something like that

Part 2:…

:iconpirateiggyplz: :iconneutralukplz:
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FANGIRLHetalia Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, Reader-chan...why are you so rude?
xXArtimisXx Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014  Student General Artist
torilily Featured By Owner May 8, 2014
I'm a moronShuichi face palm 
FemPortugal Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
What the name of his ship?
canadatheninja Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I feel really badass right now XD
AkiBunni Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is really good,I love the characters attitude! >w<
ArchiosLukos Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2013  Student Digital Artist
I think I read this about to the fourth page and I thought you might find some critique helpful for the future. Ignore me if you don't want to hear it. When I read fanfiction I'm here for the story and the character interactions. Any kissing and romancing is just an extra treat. Your setup is fine but I find problem with the characters.

The biggest turn off is the reader character. She is atrociously rude and unintelligent and yet she is also clever and knows how to fight... kinda. And then after all her being rude she is scared and pathetic but then determined and tsundere the next moment. I think her girly dress and fear is supposed to make me feel sorry for her and think that she's cute, but it doesn't. I just think Mary-Sue the entire time.

Next on the list is Arthur. Really his personality is not bad here but he is just so easily outwitted and never seems to catch on. He should be hating the reader and start living up to his pirate name by putting her in the brig or punishing her in some way but he quickly bounces back to the normal 'oh, you're so feisty but I can handle that' thing going on. That attitude by itself is fine but it needs to change every once in a while. He needs to say and show 'I'm the boss' and not let this little brat walk all over him. Even putting myself in place of the reader I want to tell him to man up.

I'm sure I had more to say but I'll leave it at that for now. Otherwise, not a bad story.
XMajutsu-shiX Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2013  Student General Artist
Hi, thanks for this critique, 
I agree with some things that you said and I appreciate the critiques! Hopefully It'll improve my writing. I know my stories haven't got the best grammar or punctuation. However the main thing I'm focusing on right now (in this story) is creating a good and original plot line. I know my England hasn't got a...specific character and that's because I don't really watch hetalia so it's just kind of a hobby for me. 
But there is one thing that I don't agre with and that is that the girl acts scared and pathetic. I don't remember writing that as her personality. I don't know where I wrote it, neither do I want the reader to feel sorry for her. The girl a marysue? I don't think so. I hope not anyway. She's rude and that's her weakness. She doesn't mind was she's doing or saying because maybe it's her way of being a slight 'feminist' or 'protecting' herself to show that she isn't weak minded. like I said I don't want the reader to feel sorry for her, there is nothing to feel sorry about and I try and portray her (the girl) as a headstrong (slightly) ignorant character who feels that everyone is against her. I try not to give my characters a girly air. 
Now about Arthur. I try (and I keep saying try because I know I make a lot of mistakes and sometimes(I'm hoping its sometimes) the characteristics of the character aren't specific enough) to show him as someone who is a gentleman, patient and sometimes very...I forgot the word...over dramatic....that's because I play the story I write as a type of cartoon in my head where the expressions and actions are over dramatic and cartoonish...not very real life. 

I try to put myself in the readers shoes, even as a headstrong character we would break if at the face of death. Which is normally my characters persona,  very confident but still slightly humane when it comes to those moments(more anime) that's because I don't like it when in stories the person doesn't seem to care about death. However confident they are, everyone is scared of death. 

Anyway, I hope this doesn't sound like an angry defensive self pitying rant because I do appreciate the feedback I get! It'll hopefully improve my writing and will obviously take your critique in mind the next time I write! 
ArchiosLukos Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2013  Student Digital Artist
What made her seem girly were the parts with the bunny pajamas and being scared of a spider. I kind of expected her to stomp the spider and catch herself at being scared in that cage. If she wants to be rude and a bit ignorant then power to her. Go kick some butt. However, keep her trying to stay strong and not being rude for its own sake. Make it a defense mechanism. I'm sure more writing will improve you anyway.
XMajutsu-shiX Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2013  Student General Artist
When t wrote the first comment I checked over the few chapters and when I did see that part I knew you'd reply using that example. It was meant to be funny and ironic....hopefully I will improve!
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